The Switch

I'm sure this won't come as a surprise to any one, but I am fairly sure that I am fickle.  I am telling myself it is immaturity, but who knows, maybe I am not the type of person who will ever find myself in a long-term monogamous relationship - let alone a marriage.

As usual, I have been MIA.  And as per usual, a lot has happened in my absence.  Rather than try and fill in the cracks, I will skip right to the juicy stuff.

Caesar, while being incredibly sweet most of the time and very clearly in love with me, began to annoy me to no end.  In short, his blissful ignorance and his immaturity made me run in the other direction.

And right into Fuzz.  Just because I like to keep things complicated, Fuzz and Bacon are good friends.  Luckily for me, there was never anything between Bacon and I aside from sexual tension and a strange friendship.  Not to mention - he is married.  Albeit, not a happy one.  But that's not my problem.  I have known Fuzz for at least 5 years now, maybe longer.  Despite him being a pleasant conversationalist, he never intrigued me.  Until now.

To further complicate things, Fuzz still considers himself to be married though he is not technically any longer.  He still loves his "wife".  I am still in limbo with my own relationship status.  He is lonely.  I am lonely.  You see where this is going.

Last week, Bacon and Fuzz, a few others and myself went out for a few drinks.  The past few times we have been out, Fuzz and I get caught up in our own conversation but this time we hardly paid attention to the others.  It apparently dawned on the both of us that we have quite a bit in common.  I even coaxed Fuzz to come with us to the second bar we went to.

Ever since then, we have been constantly texting one another.  Some of the time, it is even for hours at a time - back and forth.  We have discussed hanging out and I am fairly sure he flirts.  He is definitely interested. 

Although, Bacon tells me this is just because he is lonely with it being the holidays and all.  I noticed him watching us talk when we were out.  Jealousy?

I just have to decide if I can handle his baggage.

Daydreaming

I feel like 90% of the time my head is stuck in the clouds.  I'm constantly daydreaming.  I'm taking reality and twisting it into a fantasy that suits my needs - and my wants.

I've been utterly confused lately.  And I only confused myself more last night.

I haven't seen Mr. Bacon in nearly 6 months.  I've known the guy for a decade now.  When I was 14, I loved having X-rated daydreams about him.  Not only was he a man in uniform but he was a badboy.  I loved his attitude and I especially loved his tattoos.  But more importantly, I loved that he was there for me when I was going through a rough time in my life.

Mr. Bacon always knew I had a crush on him.  I just couldn't conceal it.  To be honest, I'm not even sure I tried.  I was still a kid.  Once I turned 18, I had a life and a job.  I disappeared for a while.  Ironic considering I had spent the last 4 years dreaming of my 18th birthday being spent with my bad boy in blue.  Once I was 21, I came in contact with a mutual friend and started spending time with the guys off-duty.  Being of age, I began to see the real Mr. Bacon.  All male - dirty, perverted, and now older.  I like older. 

The problem?  In my time away, Mr. Bacon went and got hitched. 

The kicker?  He does nothing but complain about her.

Well, complain about her and make inappropriate comments to me.

Luckily for him, the comments didn't bother me.  I rather enjoyed them.  We even began talking on the phone again and occasionally texting one another.  The sexual tension was ever-present but despite his perversions I still believe he is a good man.  And I am no home-wrecker.

I'm not sure where our rekindled relationship took a turn for the worse, but unbeknownst to me - it did.

I will never forget calling him one day after work about a year ago and he answered with, "What - are you stalking me?"  I instantly felt the tears prickling behind my eyes.  I honestly had no idea where this was coming from.  I choked out some response and hung up.  He didn't call back.

I deleted his phone number and quit talking to him.  Either this was his intention or he didn't notice, but things went this way for a few months.  The other boys in blue kept inviting me out, but I was afraid to see Mr. Bacon.  Finally, last spring I decided to just go out.  I had done nothing wrong.

Go figure, Mr. Bacon acted the same towards me as always: witty and friendly.  I spent the night ignoring his glances and even stares.  Any comments made were quickly retorted with a snide comment or a sarcastic jab.  He always liked my feistyness so this did not get me far.  He seemed to not even realize I was upset with him.

I still had no contact with Mr. Bacon.  But just the other night I went out with the boys again and, as usual, he was there.

Back Off, Bitches!

Is it acceptable to have a summer fling bleed into the cooler weather?  

Or can I just keep him around as a fall fling?

Mr. Chef sends me random texts perhaps once a week.  More than half of the time I don't respond.  I'm just not really feeling it lately.  I might soon regret spending the entire summer with Mr. Caesar.

Things we going so well.  Until he got drunk at a concert about a month ago.  I'm a ball-buster.  I'm incredibly sarcastic.  And I can be fiesty.  Okay, what I really mean is I can be a complete bitch. But in my defense, I typically only show that side when it is warranted.

Mr. Caesar and I went to a huge all-day concert a while back with a friend of mine and her dirty old boyfriend.  We had a blast.  Except for the fact that Mr. Caesar apparently can't handle his liquor.  He hopped into my truck at 10 AM and admitted he has already consumed 6 Mike's Hard Lemonade's.  Point A. he drinks girly drinks?!  Point B doesn't morning drinking usually mean you have a wee bit of a problem?!  He promptly asked to stop at the gas station for cigarettes.  I was turned off.  Completely.  

I just sucked it up and tried to have fun but sometimes it's those little things that get to me the most.  Once we got there, Mr. Caesar apparently knew the bartender and kept having her make his drinks.  I don't think he really needed all that extra booze but I digress.  By 1 in the afternoon, shit hit the fan.  As we sat down to eat, I apparently made some incredibly bitchy comment that no one heard except for him.  He stormed about from our table, leaving me and my friends dumbfounded.  I'm sure he thought I'd chase after him, all apologetic and whatnot.  Nope.  That's not really my style.

After we finished eating and walking around, we headed back to our lawn chairs.  Mr. Caesar was sitting there pouting.  He expected me to apologize.  I said I gladly would if he could tell me what the problem was.  Thanks to the alcohol, he had no fucking idea.  I refused to apologize for my horrible comment until he could tell me exactly what I said.  Needless to say, to this day he still doesn't remember.

Boys, if you can't handle your liquor - don't fucking drink.  K?  Thanks!

Once thing I can't stand is publicly arguing.  This, however, does not seem to affect Mr. Caesar in the least.  He spent the afternoon following me around, raising his voice, and grabbing my arm when I would try to get away from him.  All I could think was, "wow what a great preview of what you'd be like as a boyfriend."  I was kicking myself in the ass for driving him there.

He even yelled my name loud enough for groups of (hot) boys to learn it and use it when asking if I needed any help with my loser boyfriend.  I was too embarrassed to even use that as an in with any of the new meat.  Mr. Caesar even had the balls to come over and stand by me as I talked to a few of them.  What a cockblock!

I dropped him off at the end of the night angry and feeling naive.  He called me a million times the next day apologizing.  I didn't care.  I told him I'd keep him around for sex and nothing else.  

The next weekend we went to a festival in a lake town by us and went to a few bars afterwards.  He pointed to some chick and said, "I slept with her."  Um, ARE YOU STUPID?  Yes, clearly he is.  You just don't tell me that.  I wouldn't have known.  I didn't want to know.  And I sure as heck didn't need to know.  

I will admit though when to rather confident girls sidled up next to him when he was dancing and we complimenting his "moves" I turned into jealous girlfriend and promptly shot them death glares and pulled him away.  Another chick even went up to him and put her arms around his shoulder while he was at the bar grabbing us drinks.  I turned around just in time to see it.  I promptly looked away.  my good ole buddy told me he removed her arm from around him and ignored her.  

Okay, now he's back in my good graces.  But what would he have done if I hadn't been 40 feet away?

I Don't Need A Needy Man

Things aren't looking to good for Mr. Caesar.  I haven't seen him in a week - and it's not for his lack of trying.  

He is in transition between places.  That's cool, it happens.  

But when you are asking to stay at my place or for my vehicle for the move without my offering, I don't like it.  Maybe I am just a heartless bitch, but nothing bothers me more than a man who is needy and always expects others to help him out.  It annoys me with females too, but I am not dating them so I get over it.

I like independent men.  I like men who get things done on their own, like an adult.  The fact that Mr. Caesar said he could "really use my truck" for his move on a day that he knows I am busy with work and other obligations irked me.

It was cute and all last night when he said he really likes me even if it may be too much and it "worries" him.  But it's not cute enough to make up for his immaturity.

I haven't completely written him off, but I have been keeping my distance.  I think the great sex is what has kept him around this long at this point.

Mr. Lover made a huge comeback this weekend.  We had an entire date day.  A beach walk, lunch at a restaurant featured on Diner's, Drive Ins, and Dives, miniature golf then dinner and beer tasting.  It was a long but fun day.  In fact, it might be the most fun I've had in a while.


We are even planning something special to do this weekend as well.


Mr. Chef had to cancel our plans last week since he has been busy at work.  I didn't really mind.  I half wanted to cancel due to my busy schedule anyways so it worked out.  He is still blowing up my phone so we will see if we can arrange something else later this week.

A Change of Pace

It's funny how quickly things can change.

All last week I felt really into Mr. Caesar.  He invited me to go on a short trip with him for the weekend - I declined after much debate.  I found myself missing him all weekend long.  We had no contact.  I was really excited that as soon as he got back he called me and wanted to get together.

Mr. Chef has also been trying his darnedest to "see me in person again".  I started toying with the idea of keeping my options open.  Or at the very least keeping him around for comparisons sake.  If need be, we can always do a sex tie-breaker.  They won't ever have to know.  *insert evil laughs here*

Meanwhile, much to my dismay I have added to the confusion with mere moments of weakness.  Mr. Lover is back in the picture.  He was my first real love and I find myself wondering if he will one day end up being my one that got away.  I have tried not to keep him around because, well,  that's just not fair.  But yet, he's still always there.

Due to Mr. Caesar's drama - leading him to spend the night at his ex's house since I couldn't accommodate him - and a very questionable maturity level (that really affected me in no way so far) I find myself wanting to pull away a little bit.

This turn of events works out nicely for Mr. Chef.  I am hoping our day date for Friday works out.  We will see if we can't reignite that spark.

 

Out of the Doghouse

There's nothing I love more than a man who truly likes to please me -- 

in and out of the bedroom.

I can say with certainty that Mr. Caesar tries his best to make me happy.  It's the little things that make me smile and he seems to realize this.  He kisses me on the cheek and plays with my hair.  He still texts me every day and texts me back promptly when I initiate.

Lately, he's been coming over to my house.  But most of his friends live by me so we normally end up having a quick roll in the hay and then go out with his buddies.  And then we come back to my place for more of the former.  He seems to really like bringing me around his friends.  I don't mind it but I get shy at times and sometimes I would rather it just be us.  I hadn't showed any distaste until last weekend.  


He came over and then promptly called his buddy when I said I wasn't sure what I would like to do.  We ended up at a pool hall...on a perfectly warm and sunny evening.  I hate being confined indoors when it's nice out.  And I also hate tagging along with Mr. Caesar and his buddy not knowing what they are talking about.  I felt a little awkward and left out...although to be honest, I might have been acting introverted due to my unhappiness with the whole situation.  When the boys decided to head to the second place...a bar, I asked Mr. Caesar to take me home.  He frowned and said no as he pulled into the parking lot.  He told his friend to go inside and he grabbed me, pulling me in close asking what was wrong.


I explained.  He apologized and said he would take his friend home and we would leave.  He was very sympathetic and handled the situation perfectly.  I felt bad and told him we could stay.  But I still sat at the table and texted anyone who would respond to occupy my time.  We didn't stay long (he knew he was in the doghouse).  We ended up renting a movie and ordering a pizza.


I also liked how once we were along he explained that he didn't want to always stay in with me and thought I would rather go out for a while and then have alone time later.


Maybe I was just being a bitch...it wouldn't be the first time.

ReEvaluation

Yesterday I started tapping the brakes on this out of control ride with Mr. Caesar.

After hearing him talk about his ex contacting him and his beliefs on people's ability to change their personality traits on and off like a light switch, I was worried.  I went into this with an open mind.  I pushed aside the negative and focused on just having a good time for once. 

But I went about it all wrong. 

 Thanks to his sweet talking and his affection, I developed feelings.  Feelings are not fun. I had originally pegged Mr. Caesar for a cocky little SOB.  Then I got to know him a little better and figured this was a front.  He did tell me he is afraid of getting hurt and being attached.  But his words being one thing and his actions another freak me out.

I am getting the feeling that he's feeling me out too.  He seems to get worried about me finding someone else.  All of this is not ideal but I can deal with it.

What a good (male) friend of mine brought to my attention last night was all the little things that I should have taken into consideration but was too busy with butterflies.  I don't normally dig smokers.  Mr. Caesar smokes.  He also smoked a bowl while driving me home last weekend.   I don't like it, but I was trying not to judge.  My good friend told me this was rude, and that this behavior is childish.  I can't say that I disagree.  But at the same time, this doesn't seem to affect his work habits and he does like to go out and do things with me.  Had he holed me up in his room and smoked every time we hung out (which he has done not once) I would have called it quits already.

While I have deducted points for both of these things, I hadn't considered them a deal breaker.  What did strike me as weird was after we hung out on Wednesday and he told me about his ex, he seemingly became distant yesterday.  

His words from the night before were ringing in my head all day on Thursday, "Sometimes you need to let a girl miss you."  

While I agree time apart makes the heart grow fonder, I wasn't sure we were at this point just yet.  But I tested this yesterday.  I did not text him at all throughout the day, which is normal for us so far.  He finally said hi and asked what I was up to at around 8.  I was leaving to hang out with my friend, which I told him.  he, in turn, said he was going to the beach with some friends.  Did he not invite me because I had already said I had plans or did he want a little break?  Last week he wanted to hang out daily.

We were talking a little more and suddenly his texts stopped...for 2 hours.  (He did eventually text back and say he was fishing and then he said he was going to bed.  I was short with my replies.  Like one word short.)  The fact that this bothered me - since he always responds in a very timely fashion - was a major red flag.  This is no longer just fun.  I have feelings now.

While I think this is only natural after spending time with him and talking to him so frequently, I am not sure I want them.  Especially since I am not sure what the heck we are doing here.

He texted me this morning early and told me he hoped I have a good day.  Since I was working and did not have my phone, I responded in the afternoon.  He hadn't said anything until just now actually.  I think I'll wait a few minutes to respond...I am busy after all.  ;)

From The Moment I First Saw You

He said, "I was interested in your from the moment I first saw you." Mr. Caesar and I have been hanging out at least twice a week. I think if I had a lighter schedule we would get together more frequently - he's always asking. But I am feeling conflicted. I told him the other night he is so unconfusing, he is confusing. He said that made no sense. But I know what I mean. He seems to be fairly straight forward, but his actions often trump the things he says. Hell, sometimes he even says one thing and then later says another. Example: he says he's still getting to know me and wants something casual (as do I) and then he talks about us doing things together in the fall. He acts tough, but he says he's afraid of getting hurt. And so far, he has been incredibly sweet. He calls when I'm driving home from work. He calls for no reason and talks to me for an hour. He texts me to tell me to have a good day. I'm not complaining but I haven't really gotten a good idea of what he really means. Is he going to get hurt...or will it be me? We went out to grab a bite last night and on our ride back to his place he told me his ex contacted him saying she misses him. They broke up about a month ago. He told me she was "crazy" and didn't give him room to breathe - she would call him constantly even when she knew he was just at family functions. But then last night after telling me she texted him, he told me he thinks people can change and she was a really nice girl, just messed up. Even said she was cute. I kind of slammed on the breaks. My situation might be messed up, but I don't voice my inner most thoughts to him yet. I can either give him credit for being up front or hold it against him that it seemed to me like he was considering taking her back. This brings me to my biggest issue. Getting into this whole mess, I told him I wanted a friend with benefits. I like his personality. He's fun. I could use a new friend. But I messed that up by getting a crush on him...and sleeping with him only solidified my mistake. Now we are in limbo. He seems to hint that he could see us being together but he also told me he doesn't normally call girls his girlfriend until after quite a while. He even went as far as to say "when I'm attached and thinking about moving in with a girl I'll call her my girlfriend." WHAT THE FUCK? This is ass backwards, is it not?!

That's Awkward

Oh, boy.

Yesterday I saw Mr. Caesar at work. Let me clarify that I don't go there to see him. He is an added bonus. Since we are around his coworkers, I don't typically say much to him aside from "hello" and sometimes small talk. I understand the need to be professional at work. And most of our conversations are not workplace material.

I spent my afternoon lying in the sun and daydreaming...mostly about him. He texted me once he got out of work. He eventually asked if I wanted to do dinner and a movie. I took a few minutes to think about this. I typically like to be more prepared but since my special friend payed me a visit, I didn't have to go the whole nine yards. Two hours later I was at his house - not feeling quite cute enough and wishing I had done more summer clothes shopping. But I was there.

And he introduced me to his roommate and his friend. I feel like I have met way too many of his people already.

Then we were off. Conversation comes easy with him. His laid back personality and his ability to handle my "ball-busting" earn him major points. Dinner went well. He was sweet and he told me some more about him. I need to work on asking more questions and discussing myself less. But other than my own personal flaws, we had a good time. From there we went to the movie. We got there early enough that we has some time to kill.

Not much longer after we got there, he asked what I would do if he kissed me. A nervous laugh escaped my lips and then I told him that he shouldn't ask, just do. But he has already given me butterflies. And I was already nervous. But he kissed me anyways. He gave me a light kiss for about 1 second before he slipped his tongue in my mouth. This caught me off guard...are we going to play tongue hockey already?! I was too busy thinking about his hands on my face and his tongue prodding my lips open to react accordingly. After a few seconds I pulled away. I will admit I was in La-La Land, but I'm fairly sure he laughed at this.

Mr. Caesar is a touchy-feely kind of guy. It makes me wonder how many other girls he touches. But I can't really say much about that, and I'd rather not think about it. He likes to grab my ass, poke me, and play with my hair. Not exactly in that order. Can't say that I mind being petted on occasion... He even nibbled on my ear at one point and asked if I liked it. I said no. Which was a lie. But I'm not about getting all hot and bothered in a movie theater when I have no hopes of picking up where we left off later.

At the beginning of the movie, he put his arm around me. Then he surprised me by holding my hand. This was eventually ruined by him telling me that I have "hitchhiker thumbs"...which apparently means my thumbs bend slightly upwards at the top. Who knows, but this ruined the moment and I promptly dropped his hand. This meant more leg stroking and eventually re-embracing my hand, hitchhiker thumb and all.

When we got back to his house, he asked if I wanted to come in. I wanted to. I really wanted to. But I didn't. I joked about it being past his bedtime and hugged him goodbye. He went in for another tongue-kiss. I don't know why but I couldn't get used to it and reciprocate. I couldn't even concentrate enough to tell if he was a good kisser or not. I even said that I felt awkward. He seemed momentarily hurt by that and picked me up and kissed me on the cheek. I give him point for still trying to be sweet after my ruining of the moment.

On my rather long drive home, I texted him that I was sorry for being awkward. He said sorry if he was pushy. I didn't feel that he was pushy at all. And if I had, I wouldn't have apologized. I digress. I caved and texted him today - breaking the ice with a joke about keeping him out to late when he had to wake up early. He made sure to tell me he still had fun with me. He also said he didn't think I had fun. I did. I was just being shy. After a brief back and forth, I left him alone. He said hi just a few minutes ago which made me smile. He said he was thinking about me. When I asked about what, he eventually eluded to some dirty thoughts. This I enjoy.

And he wants to see me "sooner than later"!

I'll Take A Kiss

This past weekend I went against my typical protocol and met up with Mr. Caesar and his friends at a local biker bar. Why is this different from my normal ways, you ask? I don't normally like to slap on the fake smile and meet the friends the second time I hang out with someone. But since Mr. Caesar and I have seen each other frequently enough whilst not hanging out and because he makes me feel comfortable I went for it.

Surprisingly, I do not regret my decision.

I try to avoid being left behind with the group of friends or running into the possessive girl"friends" so quickly. I prefer to feel out the guy and see if he's the type that will recognize that I am out of my comfort zone with his friends and will try to stay by my side or make me feel welcome.

I drove over to the bar and there was no parking. I mean the curb was overflowing and my larger vehicle was not going to fit. I tried to find a spot twice. I took this as a sign, and texted Mr. Caesar to tell him I was heading back since there was no place to park. I waited. Right as I got home (5 minutes later) he called and asked to pick me up. I [idiotically] declined. I did, however, give him 50 points for calling and sounding slightly disappointed instead of texting me. It's the little things that count, right?!

10 minutes later I worked up my courage and attempted to send a cute text..."commmme getttt meeee". Because elongating words makes everything seem cuter...right?

He texted immediately, "Was going to say you got my hopes up. What's your address?"

5 minutes later, I hopped into his car and we were off.

The second I got in his car, I smelled pot. I commented on that. Didn't know he was into reefer. I wouldn't have pegged him for a pothead. He seemed embarrassed and told me he had tried to cover it up with axe. This required my making fun of the lack of axe scent and the pungent stink of marijuana. He apologized. I laughed at that. It could be worse than a little joint.

When we got to the bar, doors were held for me (as always) and he got me a nice, girly drink right away. That was appreciated. Then we did the whole "meet the friends" deal. His friends were all guys so I didn't feel so awkward. But it didn't help that one of them was jaw-droppingly-handsome. Mr. Caesar definitely noticed my reaction. Note to self: learn to not act surprised when shaking the hand of a deep-voiced Godlike man.

I did also meet his friend's sister and her two little sidekicks. They were 19 and immature. They were friendly. And once Mr. Caesar left for two minutes to grab more drinks the sister decided to bring my guy up to her friends. "Do you guys talk to Mr. Caesar ever?" "No." and "No." from the sidekicks. The sister confirmed, "Me either...since he has a girlfriend and all."

Ummmm...wait! WHAT?! I pretended to continue being enthralled by my phone and not hear this comment. Success. They dropped that conversation. Mr. Caesar came back to the rescue and I saved that tidbit for later. I had a feeling little miss jealous was trying to get me to head out for the night - and never come back.

Mr. Caesar earned major points for spending his night talking with me while amongst his friends. He likes to poke and touch. I would typically find this to be childish behavior but he pulls it off somehow. And I'll take his big, sexy hands on me in whatever fashion I can get them. We had a good time talking and listening to the local band play.

After watching a childish display of jealousy from the sister just after Mr. Caesar pulled me in to talk into my ear over the loud music he told me that even though the chick is married she has always had a crush on him and that she gets possessive at times. All this without me mentioning her earlier comment. So I told him what she said and he laughed. Not a nervous laugh. A "that's typical behavior" kind of laugh. I have my guard up since we don't know each other well yet but no red flag has been raised.

At one point the signer from the band came over to say hello to Mr. Caesar and I felt him get closer to me. The singer seemed interested in who I was and was maintaining eye contact with me for too long. I could feel Mr. Caesar gazing down at me. I was literally up against a wall next to the guy a want and a guy who clearly wanted me. But the flicker of possession in Mr. Caesar's eyes was worth the few awkward moments.

The night went well and we stayed out late. I wanted his hands on me but the most he did was reel me in between his legs and hold me until I got shy and sauntered away. I am almost enjoying taking things slow with him and letting the build-up of anticipation amp up the excitement level. He's made enough comments to let me know he wants me. And I'm sure he knows I want him. But this seems fun.

We've been texting quite a bit and he surprised me with a cute "morning Sunshine" this morning. He also asked when he "gets to see me again". This put a smile on my face.

I'm hoping I get to see him soon...very soon.

Designer Skin Head Over Heels™ Review

Type: Dark Bronzer
Extras: Shave Minimizing Formula and Shimmer
Scent: Candied Plum
Size: 8.5 oz. Bottle / 0.5 oz Packette

Legs for days and dark color to be envied! Get carried away and fall Head Over Heels™ in love with your sleek, tone and golden legs! Formulated with those hard-to-tan areas in mind, this mix of the darkest bronzers and subtle shimmer will deliver all the dazzling dark color your heart desires!
• Infused with Caffeine to tone and tighten
• Shave-minimizers help inhibit hair growth to keep legs smoother
• Superior Dark Bronzers deliver dramatically dark color for maximum results
• Subtle Shimmer for an illuminating glow

Tired of having your legs 6 shades darker than the rest of you?
After building my base tan with Designer Skin's Secret Rapture, I began to notice my stomach and back were incredibly dark and my legs and arms and other hard to tan areas were lagging behind. I decided to give the NEW Designer Skin Head Over Heels a go. The superior dark bronzers help add that extra boost that the thicker skin on our legs needs to get just as dark as the rest of us.

Head Over Heels is perfect for your legs with added shave-minimizers to promote smoothness and slow down hair growth. Caffeine helps tone and tighten your skin for extra sex appeal while subtle shimmer gets your legs noticed. And don't worry, by subtle shimmer I mean light shimmer that makes skin glow rather than send you into full-on stripper mode. I love to use this lotion on my hoo-ha, my ass, and my legs as I have a harder time getting those areas dark. I have had great results.

I was able to find a 8.5 ounce bottle of this tanning lotion for $25 (including shipping) on eBay - brand new and sealed. On eBay you can find a sample packette for around $5. My tanning salon retails this bottle at $50 with a sample packette being $8.

The Candied Plum scent is pleasant and smells nice when first applied. Some lotions can leave you smelling burnt after a nice, long tanning session. This fragrance only enhances with the heat and develops a warmer, more potent Sugar scent. It is perfect if you have to head straight from the salon to work or out. You will smell delicious!

Designer Skin Secret Rapture® Review

Type: Intensifier
Extras: Anti-Aging and Firming Formula
Scent: Warm Vanilla Sugar
Size: 13.5 oz. Bottle / 0.5 oz Packette

Pure, tanning ecstasy. Spectacular, bronze bliss. Are you ready to be transported to paradise where stunning, bronze color and gloriously silky skin go hand in hand? Secret Rapture® is an exquisite, dark tanning blend that delivers dramatic tanning results. Powerful anti-aging and firming ingredients pave the way for this stairway to tanning heaven. Indulge, revel and experience the Rapture. Shhhhhh! It will be our little Secret.

• Enriched with Vitamins A, E, C and Avocado Oil
• Phytoage and Alpha Lipoic Acid provide powerful anti-aging benefits
• White Birch Extract & Copper PCA visibly improve skin's firmness and texture

It's true: not all indoor tanning lotions are created equal.
One of the most important tricks to tanning is finding the perfect base tan builder when you first get started at your salon. So far my favorite is Designer Skin's Secret Rapture. It is designed as a base-building lotion that helps build a super dark tan on fair skin and helps those of us who do not tan easily.

Secret Rapture has added Vitamins and Avocado Oil for soft, supple and moisturized skin. This helps a great deal considering well-moisturized skin tans much nicer than dry skin does. It also has powerful anti-aging agents as well as White Birch and Copper PCA for a boost in your skins firmness. I especially love this for my legs.

I was able to find a 13.5 ounce bottle of this tanning lotion for $20 (including shipping) on eBay - brand new and sealed. On eBay you can find a sample packette for around $5. My tanning salon retails this bottle at $45 with a sample packette being $8.

The Warm Vanilla Sugar scent is light and smells great when first applied. Some lotions can leave you smelling burnt after a nice, long tanning session. This fragrance only enhances with the heat and develops a warmer, more potent Sugar scent. It is perfect if you have to head straight from the salon to work or out. You will smell delicious!

I'm Back? [yet again]

I have a really bad habit of giving up on my little blog, only to return to it when I feel like I have too much on my mind. This blog was always meant to help me sort out the mass of thoughts and ideas in my head on the fast-track out. But, dare I say it, sometimes I find myself too lazy or too annoyed to even log on and...release.

I have been busy lately. Not so much with important things - I'm talking tanning, work, and spending time with the dog - but I have been busy nonetheless. I more or less got bored with Mr. Chef. It's not that he did anything wrong. It's that he lost his shine. We had one awkward kiss where I didn't even feel the need to close my eyes and I pulled back after that. I don't want to waste my time on anything that's not special. I still think he's sweet and all. But I'm not sure he lights my fire.

Mr. Caesar on the other hand...he adds hot coals to a slow burning fire. It's a delicate situation though. I met him at his place of work about a month ago. I thought he was cute and he has an infectious laugh. An adorable, infectious laugh. I continue to see him at his place of work but he is very good at remaining professional, which I respect very much. I channeled my inner-creeper and messaged him on facebook. He gave me his number and voila! two days later he wanted to hang out. This was good and bad.

We met up and he took me to lunch as a cute little restaurant on the water. We got to know each other a little better. Then he asked if I'd like to go up by his place (a little ways away from me) and take a walk on the beach. It was early afternoon so I agreed. He showed me his place. Then we walked along the beach in 95 degree weather. The problem with wearing jeans and a little tank top whilst walking on the beach in pure humidity after consuming very little to eat for lunch for fear of looking like a complete fatass is that you begin to feel faint. Light-headed and sweaty on a first...date, we will call it is not really fun. I ended up pretending like I wanted to have a seat on a rock under the shade. Really I was waiting for the ringing in my ears and the nausea to subside. When I felt that I was in the clear, I pulled my swampy-ass up off the rock and walked with him - at a safe distance for fear of BO - back to his place. He still wanted to hang out for a bit. I should have declined.

But I have never been the brightest. I had boob sweat. BOOB SWEAT! It is time to go home and take a shower when this occurs, or at least take a shower with Mr. Caesar. But no, I sat with him on his bed. I am sure my deodorant had begun to fail and my make-up had long ago melted off. Hindsight is always 20/20, right?! However, he at least pretended to be unfazed by my disgusting state. He said "Haven't you ever gotten really sweaty during sex?" After this, my mind was playing images of him naked and sweaty on top of me. These images still play in my mind.

I texted him a couple times this past week and I have seen him at work but I have decided to wait and see if he initiates. I know he works a lot, but he can text me if he wants.

I will play a little bit harder to get.

Because after all, I am not easily gotten.

Spa Day

Every once in a while, a girl needs a good - IE expensive - spa day. And I treated myself to one today.

The weather is completely uncharacteristic of the usual cold and rainy March days we are used to here in Chicago. I've taken full advantage and spent my afternoons laying outside soaking up the sun. After a winter that seemed to last forever, I forgot how good it feels like have the sun shining on your skin.

Since I have my second date with Mr. Chef tomorrow, I decided to expand on my darkening skin and get a massage, a pedicure, fill in my 2-week grown-out acrylics, and get my hair done. It was a busy day, but a good one none-the-less. Keeping up on your appearance seems so tedious when you devote an entire day to it.

I've still been talking to Mr. Chef through text constantly the past few days. He's pretty sweet and I must admit I'm loving the attention and knowing that he's constantly thinking of me. I'm still worried he is either suppressing his want of a more serious commitment or he hasn't exactly realized what he wants. He has made a few more questioning comments, being amongst those he keeps suggesting we go to his parents pool or out on his boat with his brother.

I said I wanted a fun, carefree, non-committed relationship, didn't I?! This, to me, means no contact with each others families. I will admit I just ignored those suggestions. He did also say his interest in me was "almost out of control". What does this mean exactly, Mr. Chef?

Pending the weather, Mr. Italy and I are planning on going for a ride on his new Ducati at the beginning of next week. I still have my reservations about him. Only time will tell.

Leopard Love

I've got Jungle Fever!


Jungle Fever Scarlett Chemise, Trashy $125


Animalistique Coset Dress, Edenfantasys $42


Leopard with Pink Overlay Bustier Set, Lingerie Diva $46


Peekaboo Babydoll, Oh Cheri! $19


Leopard Trim Chemise, Edenfantasys $34


Leopard & Lace Babydoll, Yandy $32

Spring Has Sprung

Ah, spring has come early to Chicago this year.

The warm weather has me daydreaming of pressing up against hard bodies on bikes, and making new friends with boats.

I have kept my interest in Mr. Chef - and he got kudos for not being too upset I had to cancel our date last week. Some how, we still send entirely way too many texts to one another throughout the day (every day). I am surprised I have not tired of him yet. I still think he's sweet and I do still worry that he is looking for something more than what I am. He sent me a sweet email last week, which did not say FWB to me, but it made me smile so I won't hold it against him.

And while I have gotten away from the Sugar Baby world, this guy seems like he wants someone to spoil. I won't say no. He already got me a Victoria's Secret gift card. That took me off guard a little bit, but he seems harmless. Also on the plus side, he keeps saying he wants to take me to his weekend home on the lake, where he says he has all sorts of toys. And a boat. Yeah, I'm sure we can be friends this summer! We plan on getting together at the end of this week.

Mr. Italy continues to try and reach out to me. He also seems harmless but is way more prone to dirty talking and perverted comments, which I do not mind at all. However, we have met a couple times and I enjoy his company but we do not have the chemistry I feel I have with Mr. Chef. I'm not sure why he hasn't given up on me after all this time. I may just have to go for a ride on his new Ducati since the weather has warmed up considerably here.

I am still on the look-out for new prospects but I don't like to set too high of expectations. It's hard enough to find one decent guy around here.

Parissa Sugar Wax Review

Last week, I had some free time. So what did I do? I hopped on over to Ulta and picked me up some Parissa chamomile body sugar wax.

I always read reviews before I try new products or brands I am not familiar with. I had yet to try any Parissa products. Although, I must admit the reviews were 50/50, people either loved it or hated it. I fall into the hated it category after one attempt.

What is body sugar, you ask? Body sugar is the supposed all-natural way to remove unwanted hair all over your body while also helping hair to grow back softer and thinner the more you use the product.


I grabbed a box of the chamomile body sugar for legs, body, and face for just under $15. I primarily bought this product for my underarms and my bikini zone. Inside the box, you'll find some popsicle sticks for application, long fabric strips for removal, and obviously a tub of the sugar wax.

I'll admit I am new to at-home hair removal. However, I like the idea so much I'm willing to give it a few tries after this initial disaster. The directions claim this product is perfect for beginners and pros alike. I can't back up this claim. I'm a beginner and I ended up having to shave my already irritated skin after my first attempts.

I warmed the sugar for the instructed amount of time, and was glad I put a plate underneath the tub of wax because it bubbled over the top and coated the entire plate with sticky, sugary wax. Heat does not normally affect me, but I found the wax was way too hot on my more sensitive skin, so I had to wait for it too cool, while also making sure it stayed at "honey" consistency.

I applied a thin layer of sugar wax as directed, quickly pressed the fabric strip atop the wax, held my skin taught, and "zipped" the strip away. I spent several minutes at this point looking from the strip to the area of skin that was supposed to now be hair-free. There was maybe two little pieces of hair on the strip. The rest was being suffocated under the leftover wax.

After quite a few attempts with the same results, I jumped in the shower to rinse off the sticky stuff and to grab the good ole razor and shave cream. I must say, however, the sugar wax was easily removed with warm water - even on my coated plate.

I also liked the azulene oil that came with this "system" to help with ingrown hairs and to soothe skin. But these two positives do not help with the lack of hair the wax removed.

This at-home waxing attempt was a major fail. But I will give it a go again...in a few weeks.

Hello, Mr. Chef!

I jumped right back into the whole dating scene...minus the seriousness.
I've always found that the best way to get over an ex is to put yourself underneath someone else. I know, it sounds bad. But it can actually be very therapeutic - and fun! So, last week I found myself posting a lame, to-the-point ad on Craigslist.

It appeared as though all the men in the greater Chicagoland area were creepin' on there because I got [literally] 376 responses within 3 hours. It's pathetic, really. I was able to weed 80% out after seeing a picture. Or after receiving a junk shot instead of a face pic, in which case they are immediately disqualified. I don't want a picture of your penis...unless I specifically ask for it.

I can't complain though - it is Craigslist.

I ended up exchanging emails with about 6 of them, eliminating them all for one reason or another except for one. Ding, ding, DING! We have a winner! Mr. Chef!

Obviously, he is a chef. He owns his own company, which seems legit since when I Googled him it came up. What? Don't look at me like that. Who doesn't Google people nowadays!?

We seemed to hit it off via email. After two days, he was privileged enough to get my number. We spent the entire week texting one other far too often.

We agreed to meet this past weekend. I wasn't expecting much. I just wanted to feel those butterflies and have a good time. We met at a cute, little bar.

I was pleasantly surprised. He's tall and good-looking. Plus he's 30. That's perfect for me. Not too old, not too young.

We spent four hours throwing back beers and chit-chatting. We seem to have a lot in common so far. Plus he was a perfect gentleman - not even a hug when we parted ways! He picked up the tab and texted me afterwards to thank me for my time and give me a few compliments.

He's already asking to see me later this week. I haven't given him a definite answer yet, but I will probably give him another go. He's aware I only want a fun relationship with no strings attached. I purely want to see where things go, no forcing it.

He says he wants the same. But we will see.

Fake Bakin

I am a fair skinned little lady.
I also have dark hair and light eyes.
This makes complexion a real issue.
I go in fazes, switching back constantly between envying fair-skinned chicks and their ability to pull off their milky white complexions. Then spring rolls around and I'm back to envying the sun-kissed skin.

I want to be tan minus the damaging effects of visiting a tanning salon or laying out all day. (Who wants leather skin when they're 40?) So, this leaves me with bronzers and self-tanners. And we all know those come with their fair share of downsides as well. Who wants to look streaky and orange? I'm not about that Snooki look at all.

I've probably tried 80 gagillion different self-tanning creams, gels, sprays, and towelettes. Some are better they others, and they are most certainly not all created equal. Half of them I immediately regretted using - having to put on my largest pair of sunglasses and walking my happy ass to the nearest beauty store for tan remover. Thus wasting upwards of $60. And I'm not rich!

Then I found Famous Dave's Moisture Tan.
Hello, new best friend!
This stuff is pure amazingness in a bottle.
Just to be safe, I applied one small pump to both of my legs. I applied it before bed, it only took a few minutes to dry completely. When I woke up, my legs had a subtle tan. Yes tan. No orange-y hue here. Since I had determined this product wasn't a total bust, I re-applied it to my legs. Then I proceeded to apply it to my entire body, finishing with a quarter pump onto the backs of my hands.

Four hours later and I look healthy and lightly sun-kissed. I am so happy with this product! That is something I have never said about a self-tanner before. I could always find something wrong with them. For a mere $25 a bottle, this stuff definitely can't be beat.

Thanks, Dave! I love my sun-kissed glow!

Save The Drama For Your Mama

I've been majorly MIA for a few months. I gave the "real" relationship one last shot. And as per usual, it ended badly. It takes a lot for me to trust someone fully and I fully understand trust must be earned. However, I am an independent person. I like to have time for myself or out with friends without having the boyfriend tag along behind me like some lost puppy. Finding that happy medium can be extremely difficult.

It proved to be the downfall of my most recent relationship.

I have been tame the past couple of months. I haven't gone out with my girlfriends near enough or gone out to dance. I spent my time with my man or at my home, enjoying alone time. But after a while, that gets old.

This past weekend, I said screw it! I put on my new boots and went out with the girls to a bar. Not even a club. Just a bar for some drinks and much needed catching up. I had no intention of meeting guys or "misbehaving".

But the boyfriend's buddy sent him a text saying he thought he saw me at a club grinding up on some juiced up dude. Then he proceeds to run into my boyfriend's x-best-friend who apparently severely dislikes me. I'm assuming this is due to his lack of communication with her since we got together. Not my problem I can out victorious...

She spent her evening trash talking me and making a scene. While my boyfriend starts questions my intentions while I'm out. All the while unsuspecting old me is having a good time with her girlfriends.

When I came home to find that not only did his buddy find me to be some sort of easy chick, my boyfriend has no trust in me, and his trash-spewing slut of a friend was bad-mouthing me, I was livid.

I hate relationships for this exact type of scenario. I mean, really, people? We have absolutely nothing better to do on a Saturday night but butt into other people's personal business?

This is especially bogus to me considering I was 6 towns over minding my own business.

Needless to say, I have wiped my hands clean of it.

No time for bullshit here!