Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Back Off, Bitches!

Is it acceptable to have a summer fling bleed into the cooler weather?  
Or can I just keep him around as a fall fling?

Mr. Chef sends me random texts perhaps once a week.  More than half of the time I don't respond.  I'm just not really feeling it lately.  I might soon regret spending the entire summer with Mr. Caesar.

Things we going so well.  Until he got drunk at a concert about a month ago.  I'm a ball-buster.  I'm incredibly sarcastic.  And I can be fiesty.  Okay, what I really mean is I can be a complete bitch. But in my defense, I typically only show that side when it is warranted.

Mr. Caesar and I went to a huge all-day concert a while back with a friend of mine and her dirty old boyfriend.  We had a blast.  Except for the fact that Mr. Caesar apparently can't handle his liquor.  He hopped into my truck at 10 AM and admitted he has already consumed 6 Mike's Hard Lemonade's.  Point A. he drinks girly drinks?!  Point B doesn't morning drinking usually mean you have a wee bit of a problem?!  He promptly asked to stop at the gas station for cigarettes.  I was turned off.  Completely.  

I just sucked it up and tried to have fun but sometimes it's those little things that get to me the most.  Once we got there, Mr. Caesar apparently knew the bartender and kept having her make his drinks.  I don't think he really needed all that extra booze but I digress.  By 1 in the afternoon, shit hit the fan.  As we sat down to eat, I apparently made some incredibly bitchy comment that no one heard except for him.  He stormed about from our table, leaving me and my friends dumbfounded.  I'm sure he thought I'd chase after him, all apologetic and whatnot.  Nope.  That's not really my style.

After we finished eating and walking around, we headed back to our lawn chairs.  Mr. Caesar was sitting there pouting.  He expected me to apologize.  I said I gladly would if he could tell me what the problem was.  Thanks to the alcohol, he had no fucking idea.  I refused to apologize for my horrible comment until he could tell me exactly what I said.  Needless to say, to this day he still doesn't remember.

Boys, if you can't handle your liquor - don't fucking drink.  K?  Thanks!

Once thing I can't stand is publicly arguing.  This, however, does not seem to affect Mr. Caesar in the least.  He spent the afternoon following me around, raising his voice, and grabbing my arm when I would try to get away from him.  All I could think was, "wow what a great preview of what you'd be like as a boyfriend."  I was kicking myself in the ass for driving him there.

He even yelled my name loud enough for groups of (hot) boys to learn it and use it when asking if I needed any help with my loser boyfriend.  I was too embarrassed to even use that as an in with any of the new meat.  Mr. Caesar even had the balls to come over and stand by me as I talked to a few of them.  What a cockblock!

I dropped him off at the end of the night angry and feeling naive.  He called me a million times the next day apologizing.  I didn't care.  I told him I'd keep him around for sex and nothing else.  

The next weekend we went to a festival in a lake town by us and went to a few bars afterwards.  He pointed to some chick and said, "I slept with her."  Um, ARE YOU STUPID?  Yes, clearly he is.  You just don't tell me that.  I wouldn't have known.  I didn't want to know.  And I sure as heck didn't need to know.  

I will admit though when to rather confident girls sidled up next to him when he was dancing and we complimenting his "moves" I turned into jealous girlfriend and promptly shot them death glares and pulled him away.  Another chick even went up to him and put her arms around his shoulder while he was at the bar grabbing us drinks.  I turned around just in time to see it.  I promptly looked away.  my good ole buddy told me he removed her arm from around him and ignored her.  

Okay, now he's back in my good graces.  But what would he have done if I hadn't been 40 feet away?