Friday, June 22, 2012


Yesterday I started tapping the brakes on this out of control ride with Mr. Caesar.

After hearing him talk about his ex contacting him and his beliefs on people's ability to change their personality traits on and off like a light switch, I was worried.  I went into this with an open mind.  I pushed aside the negative and focused on just having a good time for once. 

But I went about it all wrong. 

 Thanks to his sweet talking and his affection, I developed feelings.  Feelings are not fun. I had originally pegged Mr. Caesar for a cocky little SOB.  Then I got to know him a little better and figured this was a front.  He did tell me he is afraid of getting hurt and being attached.  But his words being one thing and his actions another freak me out.

I am getting the feeling that he's feeling me out too.  He seems to get worried about me finding someone else.  All of this is not ideal but I can deal with it.

What a good (male) friend of mine brought to my attention last night was all the little things that I should have taken into consideration but was too busy with butterflies.  I don't normally dig smokers.  Mr. Caesar smokes.  He also smoked a bowl while driving me home last weekend.   I don't like it, but I was trying not to judge.  My good friend told me this was rude, and that this behavior is childish.  I can't say that I disagree.  But at the same time, this doesn't seem to affect his work habits and he does like to go out and do things with me.  Had he holed me up in his room and smoked every time we hung out (which he has done not once) I would have called it quits already.

While I have deducted points for both of these things, I hadn't considered them a deal breaker.  What did strike me as weird was after we hung out on Wednesday and he told me about his ex, he seemingly became distant yesterday.  

His words from the night before were ringing in my head all day on Thursday, "Sometimes you need to let a girl miss you."  

While I agree time apart makes the heart grow fonder, I wasn't sure we were at this point just yet.  But I tested this yesterday.  I did not text him at all throughout the day, which is normal for us so far.  He finally said hi and asked what I was up to at around 8.  I was leaving to hang out with my friend, which I told him.  he, in turn, said he was going to the beach with some friends.  Did he not invite me because I had already said I had plans or did he want a little break?  Last week he wanted to hang out daily.

We were talking a little more and suddenly his texts stopped...for 2 hours.  (He did eventually text back and say he was fishing and then he said he was going to bed.  I was short with my replies.  Like one word short.)  The fact that this bothered me - since he always responds in a very timely fashion - was a major red flag.  This is no longer just fun.  I have feelings now.

While I think this is only natural after spending time with him and talking to him so frequently, I am not sure I want them.  Especially since I am not sure what the heck we are doing here.

He texted me this morning early and told me he hoped I have a good day.  Since I was working and did not have my phone, I responded in the afternoon.  He hadn't said anything until just now actually.  I think I'll wait a few minutes to respond...I am busy after all.  ;)

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