Monday, November 26, 2012


I feel like 90% of the time my head is stuck in the clouds.  I'm constantly daydreaming.  I'm taking reality and twisting it into a fantasy that suits my needs - and my wants.

I've been utterly confused lately.  And I only confused myself more last night.

I haven't seen Mr. Bacon in nearly 6 months.  I've known the guy for a decade now.  When I was 14, I loved having X-rated daydreams about him.  Not only was he a man in uniform but he was a badboy.  I loved his attitude and I especially loved his tattoos.  But more importantly, I loved that he was there for me when I was going through a rough time in my life.

Mr. Bacon always knew I had a crush on him.  I just couldn't conceal it.  To be honest, I'm not even sure I tried.  I was still a kid.  Once I turned 18, I had a life and a job.  I disappeared for a while.  Ironic considering I had spent the last 4 years dreaming of my 18th birthday being spent with my bad boy in blue.  Once I was 21, I came in contact with a mutual friend and started spending time with the guys off-duty.  Being of age, I began to see the real Mr. Bacon.  All male - dirty, perverted, and now older.  I like older. 

The problem?  In my time away, Mr. Bacon went and got hitched. 

The kicker?  He does nothing but complain about her.

Well, complain about her and make inappropriate comments to me.

Luckily for him, the comments didn't bother me.  I rather enjoyed them.  We even began talking on the phone again and occasionally texting one another.  The sexual tension was ever-present but despite his perversions I still believe he is a good man.  And I am no home-wrecker.

I'm not sure where our rekindled relationship took a turn for the worse, but unbeknownst to me - it did.

I will never forget calling him one day after work about a year ago and he answered with, "What - are you stalking me?"  I instantly felt the tears prickling behind my eyes.  I honestly had no idea where this was coming from.  I choked out some response and hung up.  He didn't call back.

I deleted his phone number and quit talking to him.  Either this was his intention or he didn't notice, but things went this way for a few months.  The other boys in blue kept inviting me out, but I was afraid to see Mr. Bacon.  Finally, last spring I decided to just go out.  I had done nothing wrong.

Go figure, Mr. Bacon acted the same towards me as always: witty and friendly.  I spent the night ignoring his glances and even stares.  Any comments made were quickly retorted with a snide comment or a sarcastic jab.  He always liked my feistyness so this did not get me far.  He seemed to not even realize I was upset with him.

I still had no contact with Mr. Bacon.  But just the other night I went out with the boys again and, as usual, he was there.