I Don't Need A Needy Man

Things aren't looking to good for Mr. Caesar.  I haven't seen him in a week - and it's not for his lack of trying.  

He is in transition between places.  That's cool, it happens.  

But when you are asking to stay at my place or for my vehicle for the move without my offering, I don't like it.  Maybe I am just a heartless bitch, but nothing bothers me more than a man who is needy and always expects others to help him out.  It annoys me with females too, but I am not dating them so I get over it.

I like independent men.  I like men who get things done on their own, like an adult.  The fact that Mr. Caesar said he could "really use my truck" for his move on a day that he knows I am busy with work and other obligations irked me.

It was cute and all last night when he said he really likes me even if it may be too much and it "worries" him.  But it's not cute enough to make up for his immaturity.

I haven't completely written him off, but I have been keeping my distance.  I think the great sex is what has kept him around this long at this point.

Mr. Lover made a huge comeback this weekend.  We had an entire date day.  A beach walk, lunch at a restaurant featured on Diner's, Drive Ins, and Dives, miniature golf then dinner and beer tasting.  It was a long but fun day.  In fact, it might be the most fun I've had in a while.


We are even planning something special to do this weekend as well.


Mr. Chef had to cancel our plans last week since he has been busy at work.  I didn't really mind.  I half wanted to cancel due to my busy schedule anyways so it worked out.  He is still blowing up my phone so we will see if we can arrange something else later this week.

A Change of Pace

It's funny how quickly things can change.

All last week I felt really into Mr. Caesar.  He invited me to go on a short trip with him for the weekend - I declined after much debate.  I found myself missing him all weekend long.  We had no contact.  I was really excited that as soon as he got back he called me and wanted to get together.

Mr. Chef has also been trying his darnedest to "see me in person again".  I started toying with the idea of keeping my options open.  Or at the very least keeping him around for comparisons sake.  If need be, we can always do a sex tie-breaker.  They won't ever have to know.  *insert evil laughs here*

Meanwhile, much to my dismay I have added to the confusion with mere moments of weakness.  Mr. Lover is back in the picture.  He was my first real love and I find myself wondering if he will one day end up being my one that got away.  I have tried not to keep him around because, well,  that's just not fair.  But yet, he's still always there.

Due to Mr. Caesar's drama - leading him to spend the night at his ex's house since I couldn't accommodate him - and a very questionable maturity level (that really affected me in no way so far) I find myself wanting to pull away a little bit.

This turn of events works out nicely for Mr. Chef.  I am hoping our day date for Friday works out.  We will see if we can't reignite that spark.

 

Out of the Doghouse

There's nothing I love more than a man who truly likes to please me -- 

in and out of the bedroom.

I can say with certainty that Mr. Caesar tries his best to make me happy.  It's the little things that make me smile and he seems to realize this.  He kisses me on the cheek and plays with my hair.  He still texts me every day and texts me back promptly when I initiate.

Lately, he's been coming over to my house.  But most of his friends live by me so we normally end up having a quick roll in the hay and then go out with his buddies.  And then we come back to my place for more of the former.  He seems to really like bringing me around his friends.  I don't mind it but I get shy at times and sometimes I would rather it just be us.  I hadn't showed any distaste until last weekend.  


He came over and then promptly called his buddy when I said I wasn't sure what I would like to do.  We ended up at a pool hall...on a perfectly warm and sunny evening.  I hate being confined indoors when it's nice out.  And I also hate tagging along with Mr. Caesar and his buddy not knowing what they are talking about.  I felt a little awkward and left out...although to be honest, I might have been acting introverted due to my unhappiness with the whole situation.  When the boys decided to head to the second place...a bar, I asked Mr. Caesar to take me home.  He frowned and said no as he pulled into the parking lot.  He told his friend to go inside and he grabbed me, pulling me in close asking what was wrong.


I explained.  He apologized and said he would take his friend home and we would leave.  He was very sympathetic and handled the situation perfectly.  I felt bad and told him we could stay.  But I still sat at the table and texted anyone who would respond to occupy my time.  We didn't stay long (he knew he was in the doghouse).  We ended up renting a movie and ordering a pizza.


I also liked how once we were along he explained that he didn't want to always stay in with me and thought I would rather go out for a while and then have alone time later.


Maybe I was just being a bitch...it wouldn't be the first time.

ReEvaluation

Yesterday I started tapping the brakes on this out of control ride with Mr. Caesar.

After hearing him talk about his ex contacting him and his beliefs on people's ability to change their personality traits on and off like a light switch, I was worried.  I went into this with an open mind.  I pushed aside the negative and focused on just having a good time for once. 

But I went about it all wrong. 

 Thanks to his sweet talking and his affection, I developed feelings.  Feelings are not fun. I had originally pegged Mr. Caesar for a cocky little SOB.  Then I got to know him a little better and figured this was a front.  He did tell me he is afraid of getting hurt and being attached.  But his words being one thing and his actions another freak me out.

I am getting the feeling that he's feeling me out too.  He seems to get worried about me finding someone else.  All of this is not ideal but I can deal with it.

What a good (male) friend of mine brought to my attention last night was all the little things that I should have taken into consideration but was too busy with butterflies.  I don't normally dig smokers.  Mr. Caesar smokes.  He also smoked a bowl while driving me home last weekend.   I don't like it, but I was trying not to judge.  My good friend told me this was rude, and that this behavior is childish.  I can't say that I disagree.  But at the same time, this doesn't seem to affect his work habits and he does like to go out and do things with me.  Had he holed me up in his room and smoked every time we hung out (which he has done not once) I would have called it quits already.

While I have deducted points for both of these things, I hadn't considered them a deal breaker.  What did strike me as weird was after we hung out on Wednesday and he told me about his ex, he seemingly became distant yesterday.  

His words from the night before were ringing in my head all day on Thursday, "Sometimes you need to let a girl miss you."  

While I agree time apart makes the heart grow fonder, I wasn't sure we were at this point just yet.  But I tested this yesterday.  I did not text him at all throughout the day, which is normal for us so far.  He finally said hi and asked what I was up to at around 8.  I was leaving to hang out with my friend, which I told him.  he, in turn, said he was going to the beach with some friends.  Did he not invite me because I had already said I had plans or did he want a little break?  Last week he wanted to hang out daily.

We were talking a little more and suddenly his texts stopped...for 2 hours.  (He did eventually text back and say he was fishing and then he said he was going to bed.  I was short with my replies.  Like one word short.)  The fact that this bothered me - since he always responds in a very timely fashion - was a major red flag.  This is no longer just fun.  I have feelings now.

While I think this is only natural after spending time with him and talking to him so frequently, I am not sure I want them.  Especially since I am not sure what the heck we are doing here.

He texted me this morning early and told me he hoped I have a good day.  Since I was working and did not have my phone, I responded in the afternoon.  He hadn't said anything until just now actually.  I think I'll wait a few minutes to respond...I am busy after all.  ;)

From The Moment I First Saw You

He said, "I was interested in your from the moment I first saw you." Mr. Caesar and I have been hanging out at least twice a week. I think if I had a lighter schedule we would get together more frequently - he's always asking. But I am feeling conflicted. I told him the other night he is so unconfusing, he is confusing. He said that made no sense. But I know what I mean. He seems to be fairly straight forward, but his actions often trump the things he says. Hell, sometimes he even says one thing and then later says another. Example: he says he's still getting to know me and wants something casual (as do I) and then he talks about us doing things together in the fall. He acts tough, but he says he's afraid of getting hurt. And so far, he has been incredibly sweet. He calls when I'm driving home from work. He calls for no reason and talks to me for an hour. He texts me to tell me to have a good day. I'm not complaining but I haven't really gotten a good idea of what he really means. Is he going to get hurt...or will it be me? We went out to grab a bite last night and on our ride back to his place he told me his ex contacted him saying she misses him. They broke up about a month ago. He told me she was "crazy" and didn't give him room to breathe - she would call him constantly even when she knew he was just at family functions. But then last night after telling me she texted him, he told me he thinks people can change and she was a really nice girl, just messed up. Even said she was cute. I kind of slammed on the breaks. My situation might be messed up, but I don't voice my inner most thoughts to him yet. I can either give him credit for being up front or hold it against him that it seemed to me like he was considering taking her back. This brings me to my biggest issue. Getting into this whole mess, I told him I wanted a friend with benefits. I like his personality. He's fun. I could use a new friend. But I messed that up by getting a crush on him...and sleeping with him only solidified my mistake. Now we are in limbo. He seems to hint that he could see us being together but he also told me he doesn't normally call girls his girlfriend until after quite a while. He even went as far as to say "when I'm attached and thinking about moving in with a girl I'll call her my girlfriend." WHAT THE FUCK? This is ass backwards, is it not?!

That's Awkward

Oh, boy.

Yesterday I saw Mr. Caesar at work. Let me clarify that I don't go there to see him. He is an added bonus. Since we are around his coworkers, I don't typically say much to him aside from "hello" and sometimes small talk. I understand the need to be professional at work. And most of our conversations are not workplace material.

I spent my afternoon lying in the sun and daydreaming...mostly about him. He texted me once he got out of work. He eventually asked if I wanted to do dinner and a movie. I took a few minutes to think about this. I typically like to be more prepared but since my special friend payed me a visit, I didn't have to go the whole nine yards. Two hours later I was at his house - not feeling quite cute enough and wishing I had done more summer clothes shopping. But I was there.

And he introduced me to his roommate and his friend. I feel like I have met way too many of his people already.

Then we were off. Conversation comes easy with him. His laid back personality and his ability to handle my "ball-busting" earn him major points. Dinner went well. He was sweet and he told me some more about him. I need to work on asking more questions and discussing myself less. But other than my own personal flaws, we had a good time. From there we went to the movie. We got there early enough that we has some time to kill.

Not much longer after we got there, he asked what I would do if he kissed me. A nervous laugh escaped my lips and then I told him that he shouldn't ask, just do. But he has already given me butterflies. And I was already nervous. But he kissed me anyways. He gave me a light kiss for about 1 second before he slipped his tongue in my mouth. This caught me off guard...are we going to play tongue hockey already?! I was too busy thinking about his hands on my face and his tongue prodding my lips open to react accordingly. After a few seconds I pulled away. I will admit I was in La-La Land, but I'm fairly sure he laughed at this.

Mr. Caesar is a touchy-feely kind of guy. It makes me wonder how many other girls he touches. But I can't really say much about that, and I'd rather not think about it. He likes to grab my ass, poke me, and play with my hair. Not exactly in that order. Can't say that I mind being petted on occasion... He even nibbled on my ear at one point and asked if I liked it. I said no. Which was a lie. But I'm not about getting all hot and bothered in a movie theater when I have no hopes of picking up where we left off later.

At the beginning of the movie, he put his arm around me. Then he surprised me by holding my hand. This was eventually ruined by him telling me that I have "hitchhiker thumbs"...which apparently means my thumbs bend slightly upwards at the top. Who knows, but this ruined the moment and I promptly dropped his hand. This meant more leg stroking and eventually re-embracing my hand, hitchhiker thumb and all.

When we got back to his house, he asked if I wanted to come in. I wanted to. I really wanted to. But I didn't. I joked about it being past his bedtime and hugged him goodbye. He went in for another tongue-kiss. I don't know why but I couldn't get used to it and reciprocate. I couldn't even concentrate enough to tell if he was a good kisser or not. I even said that I felt awkward. He seemed momentarily hurt by that and picked me up and kissed me on the cheek. I give him point for still trying to be sweet after my ruining of the moment.

On my rather long drive home, I texted him that I was sorry for being awkward. He said sorry if he was pushy. I didn't feel that he was pushy at all. And if I had, I wouldn't have apologized. I digress. I caved and texted him today - breaking the ice with a joke about keeping him out to late when he had to wake up early. He made sure to tell me he still had fun with me. He also said he didn't think I had fun. I did. I was just being shy. After a brief back and forth, I left him alone. He said hi just a few minutes ago which made me smile. He said he was thinking about me. When I asked about what, he eventually eluded to some dirty thoughts. This I enjoy.

And he wants to see me "sooner than later"!

I'll Take A Kiss

This past weekend I went against my typical protocol and met up with Mr. Caesar and his friends at a local biker bar. Why is this different from my normal ways, you ask? I don't normally like to slap on the fake smile and meet the friends the second time I hang out with someone. But since Mr. Caesar and I have seen each other frequently enough whilst not hanging out and because he makes me feel comfortable I went for it.

Surprisingly, I do not regret my decision.

I try to avoid being left behind with the group of friends or running into the possessive girl"friends" so quickly. I prefer to feel out the guy and see if he's the type that will recognize that I am out of my comfort zone with his friends and will try to stay by my side or make me feel welcome.

I drove over to the bar and there was no parking. I mean the curb was overflowing and my larger vehicle was not going to fit. I tried to find a spot twice. I took this as a sign, and texted Mr. Caesar to tell him I was heading back since there was no place to park. I waited. Right as I got home (5 minutes later) he called and asked to pick me up. I [idiotically] declined. I did, however, give him 50 points for calling and sounding slightly disappointed instead of texting me. It's the little things that count, right?!

10 minutes later I worked up my courage and attempted to send a cute text..."commmme getttt meeee". Because elongating words makes everything seem cuter...right?

He texted immediately, "Was going to say you got my hopes up. What's your address?"

5 minutes later, I hopped into his car and we were off.

The second I got in his car, I smelled pot. I commented on that. Didn't know he was into reefer. I wouldn't have pegged him for a pothead. He seemed embarrassed and told me he had tried to cover it up with axe. This required my making fun of the lack of axe scent and the pungent stink of marijuana. He apologized. I laughed at that. It could be worse than a little joint.

When we got to the bar, doors were held for me (as always) and he got me a nice, girly drink right away. That was appreciated. Then we did the whole "meet the friends" deal. His friends were all guys so I didn't feel so awkward. But it didn't help that one of them was jaw-droppingly-handsome. Mr. Caesar definitely noticed my reaction. Note to self: learn to not act surprised when shaking the hand of a deep-voiced Godlike man.

I did also meet his friend's sister and her two little sidekicks. They were 19 and immature. They were friendly. And once Mr. Caesar left for two minutes to grab more drinks the sister decided to bring my guy up to her friends. "Do you guys talk to Mr. Caesar ever?" "No." and "No." from the sidekicks. The sister confirmed, "Me either...since he has a girlfriend and all."

Ummmm...wait! WHAT?! I pretended to continue being enthralled by my phone and not hear this comment. Success. They dropped that conversation. Mr. Caesar came back to the rescue and I saved that tidbit for later. I had a feeling little miss jealous was trying to get me to head out for the night - and never come back.

Mr. Caesar earned major points for spending his night talking with me while amongst his friends. He likes to poke and touch. I would typically find this to be childish behavior but he pulls it off somehow. And I'll take his big, sexy hands on me in whatever fashion I can get them. We had a good time talking and listening to the local band play.

After watching a childish display of jealousy from the sister just after Mr. Caesar pulled me in to talk into my ear over the loud music he told me that even though the chick is married she has always had a crush on him and that she gets possessive at times. All this without me mentioning her earlier comment. So I told him what she said and he laughed. Not a nervous laugh. A "that's typical behavior" kind of laugh. I have my guard up since we don't know each other well yet but no red flag has been raised.

At one point the signer from the band came over to say hello to Mr. Caesar and I felt him get closer to me. The singer seemed interested in who I was and was maintaining eye contact with me for too long. I could feel Mr. Caesar gazing down at me. I was literally up against a wall next to the guy a want and a guy who clearly wanted me. But the flicker of possession in Mr. Caesar's eyes was worth the few awkward moments.

The night went well and we stayed out late. I wanted his hands on me but the most he did was reel me in between his legs and hold me until I got shy and sauntered away. I am almost enjoying taking things slow with him and letting the build-up of anticipation amp up the excitement level. He's made enough comments to let me know he wants me. And I'm sure he knows I want him. But this seems fun.

We've been texting quite a bit and he surprised me with a cute "morning Sunshine" this morning. He also asked when he "gets to see me again". This put a smile on my face.

I'm hoping I get to see him soon...very soon.